So the spring equinox is passed and as usual, St. John's doesn't quite feel like spring yet. Winter is always hard on me because of seasonal affective disorder but as of March 2023 it was so much worse. My breast cancer had me forced into menopause at 40 starting last March...so here I was in the middle of winter getting major sweats at 41. There have been some very stressful events involving some friends who are having troubles, and aside from that? All through February I had one foot in the grave leading up to my February 29th CT scan. The combo of it all had my hot flashes triggered like crazy. It feels like a heating pad covering my whole body when it happens and I absolutely hate it. My last CT before this one was on November 30th, and no joke, I got the results on December 1st. God heard my prayers because I was in absolute agony. You see, my breast went from being very hard and discoloured with a pulled in nipple to looking almost completely normal. This is a good thin...

  So, I just realized that I hadn't updated my blog for five or six months. During this time I had a scare with my cat and had an unexpected vet visit...but all is well. This happened the same day I was awaiting the results of my first CT scan since starting my cancer treatment with the Kisqali, Letrozole, and Zoladex injection. I know, perfect timing, right? My primary breast cancer as well as my mets in other areas of my body were all improved. I received those results on June 21, 2023. Since then I've had my second CT on September 5, 2023, and there's been even more improvement. On both scans, different growths show as barely visible and no further spread. Significant shrinkage on the main breast tumour. I'm not sure about the second smaller one in my breast, but I'll have to ask about it next time I see my oncologist. On September 6 it marked the second anniversary since Mark's passing and I'm just as in love with him now as I was when he passed away. I ...

  So I go through a section briefly in my book where I talk about me and Dad. In the midst of everything happening in my life...one bad relationship ending and falling in love with Mark...Dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack. He was well known in the province and passed away next to the fire pit they had out back. It was one of his favourite things to do....sit next to a fire pit. 60 is one of the BIG birthdays and so this one has been hard for me. Those that knew him in the public eye may not know this but he was very good at drawing and I was always told I likely got my art abilities from him. We had a back and forth estranged relationship. Those matters are personal but it started with him not coming around enough when he and Mom split when I was about to turn 2. He didn't come around as much as he should have been and various other things happened that always ended up hurting me. He had a hard time ever admitting when he was in the wrong. I won't get into things t...

  So on March 3 after a ton of imaging tests my oncologist called me to let me know my beast cancer is actually stage 4. Incurable and only treatable. I've been forced into menopause at age 40 and am taking medication to shrink the tumours and lengthen my life. It's spread to my lungs, bones, lymph nodes (including underarms) and a small tumour on one of my adrenal glands. We won't know if the medication is working for sure for a while longer yet. However, I was getting a sensation of painful breast zaps in the breast that has the cancer...and within just a couple days of starting treatment the breast zaps stopped. I'm hoping this is a good sign. I will admit though, I have been suffering mentally from this. In my mind I flash back to movies like Terms of Endearment where a mother has to lose her daughter to cancer and I lose it. My dad had three more children. I'm Mom's only baby. I am scared it will hurt her. I look into my little kitties face and I hurt at th...

  In my first blog I mentioned how I had a breast biopsy as I'd found a lump in November. Well, the pathology report came back...it's breast cancer. They're saying locally advanced breast cancer. I saw my surgeon this morning...he said type 2B and maybe even stage 3. They're not quite sure yet. I get a CT scan tomorrow evening, and I need a bone scan and a breast MRI. They're hoping to have it all back not by this Friday, but the next. One word came up today that truly terrified me...and that was chemotherapy. He said usually with a lump this large (7 cm) they give chemo to reduce the size of it before providing surgery of any kind. I...am scared to death of chemotherapy. As I mentioned in my book I have a phobia of nausea and vomiting. By the Grace of God, I dealt with it with Mark because I loved him so much...I don't know how love was able to accomplish that but it did. But going through it myself is a whole different ball game. I am very scared. I did find o...

  So, of course, this blog is on my website and one might ask what it has to do with me and Mark. Well, everything I do now in my life I take him with me...so I decided to host my blog on the website. It's my only website in recent years and he has been huge in my life. Not just romantically but in so many other ways. I'm writing this today because...it was my birthday this week! I'm 40 years old now...the big 4-0. I was unable to get in the right frame of mind to celebrate because I've had a very large breast lump that I found at the beginning of November 2022. I went to the doctor and had to wait to get an ultrasound appointment. I wasn't booked until January 17th. That's right..two days after my 40th birthday. It absolutely sabotaged my Christmas and my birthday and the wait was killing me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shaken by this. Yesterday I went to my appointment. It turned out that I don't have just one but TWO masses in my breast. Th...

 So the first so many blog posts on this site will be moved from my other website. The date it was originally written will be included with the post.