Today Dad would be 60…and cancer update -Originally written April 22, 2023

 So I go through a section briefly in my book where I talk about me and Dad. In the midst of everything happening in my life...one bad relationship ending and falling in love with Mark...Dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack. He was well known in the province and passed away next to the fire pit they had out back. It was one of his favourite things to do....sit next to a fire pit. 60 is one of the BIG birthdays and so this one has been hard for me. Those that knew him in the public eye may not know this but he was very good at drawing and I was always told I likely got my art abilities from him. We had a back and forth estranged relationship. Those matters are personal but it started with him not coming around enough when he and Mom split when I was about to turn 2. He didn't come around as much as he should have been and various other things happened that always ended up hurting me. He had a hard time ever admitting when he was in the wrong. I won't get into things that happened through out my life that's not the point of this post. The point is..he would have been 60 and he's not here to experience it.

In the span of almost two years I lost my dad, Mark, my Uncle (one of Mom's brothers) to multiple myeloma and now I'm sitting here typing this with stage four metastatic breast cancer. There have also been friend losses both death and otherwise. I'm at the point now that I don't know what's going to happen next. I just want some peace.

My white blood cell count was too low. I take kisqali along with letrozole as well as a monthly injection of zoladex to keep me in a menopausal state. But the kisqali I'm supposed to take a week off to allow my white cells to recover (same as Chemo...you take a break and then go through the next round.) Well my white cells continued to go down from 0.9 to 0.6 which made me a little scared. So two weeks and I'm on the kisqali again finally. My portacath the last time I had blood taken was not behaving as well as it did before. I have an infusion of zometa this coming week to strengthen my bones as that's one of the areas the cancer is metastasized to. It was going to be through the portacath so I hope it behaves itself. Can anything at all go smooth? Wish me luck. Sometimes I wonder what Dad would have thought of all of this.